New Content

[sam09]

Heyo, thi is my 'creative writers' bash at my home content, just thought you's might like a look. See if you find it more enticing!


''Love as I find is an online boutique specialising in handmade lingerie tailored by our small team based in Scotland. Everything is made to order, made with care and most importantly made for you.
Inspired by the silver screen beauties and burlesque starlets, each set is unique and created from our own designs or adapted from glamorous vintage patterns.

Love as I find aims to inspire confidence in women with lingerie fashioned to flatter you and accentuate the beauty you behold. Whether you want to seduce, sizzle, tease or thrill -whatever you desire, let Love As I Find bring out your inner temptress.

Love as I find also offers a bespoke service for a more personalised semblance to ensure we satisfy your exact requirements. ''


Sam
x

 

[Gouldie0]

Hi Sam,

I think that sounds really good, i might actually buy some of lingerie myself :001_wub:

Kind Regards

Neil

 

[Canary Dwarf]

no, still don't think it's right. You shouldn't be starting every sentence with 'Love As I Find'

Try this, rearranged from your copy.

Seduce him. Tease him. Thrill him

Inside our hand-made lingerie, you become the silver screen beauty that inspires us.

Seduce your lover with something as unique as you are. Our lingerie is designed and made by us in Scotland. You won't find it anywhere else. It is designed, lovingly, for your body.

You'll feel confident, fllattered, beautiful. He'll see you like he's never seen you before. He'll notice how it hugs your body like wants to. He'll be putty in your hands.

What are you waiting for?.

 

[sam09]

Hi,

Thanks for the response.

Thank you for the suggestions, but with that contents it would assume that all my customers would be buying to please their man. Which hopefully many of them will be, but women often by lingerie just to make themselves feel good. They get a thrill of going to their everyday job, in the work clothes or uniform but with some luxurious underwear underneath.
Also they may be buying for their girlfriend, or even some male may want to just buy for themselves.

The reason for using the brand name so often is that as it is new, and still very unknown I want it to stick in people's head. Many studies show that with repetition you are more likely to remember names, numbers etc...hence why we all know our pin and passwords off by heart, why songs get stuck in our heads-even if we dont like them!

Sam

 

[Mike Lewis]

Sam,

I had to read your text three times before it made any sense. I kept struggling with Love as I find is an ... and Love as I find aims to ... and Love as I find also offers ... Just doesn't make any sense.

Then I realised that "Love as I find" is the brand, the name of your business. If you had written Love As I Find is a whatever, that would have been completely clear.

You see the difference? Correct punctuation -- and especially the correct use of capital letters in names and proper nouns. I know all this is going out of fashion, and often that doesn't matter. But in this case, it goes beyond sloppy writing. It actually makes the text much less readable. If your customers have to read something three times to make sense of it, that's not exactly compelling advertising.

Mike

 

[Former Member 1]

..."and accentuate the beauty you behold."

I found this statement confusing...

To behold one's own beauty smacks a little of conceit... Perhaps something someone possessed of 'uber-confidence' might be accused of...

And maybe at odds with the needs of someone who needs to be inspired; who needs to make that 'leap' from perhaps the slightly reticent to subtle temptress...

...Still trying to track down a photographer for you Sam and have put a few feelers out.

 

[sam09]

Hiya,

Again thanks for responding.
Matt, I didn't write this item and it worries me to think if you find his beyond sloppy then I think you would be utterly appauled by my writing (my sis actually said she thinks I may be dyslexic :001_huh

And yes perhaps I should put Love As I Find in '' ..'' so as it more clear that it is the brand name, but in the first sentence is does say 'Love As I Find is a .....', but maybe the sentence shold be punctuated so as to more cleay define the sentence.

To Matt I do get what you mean about this sentence, I think its hard (especially when I tried to describe what I was aiming for to my sis) to try and find the right words. As one of the main things I could ever hope to do with my lingerie is to make someone who maybe isn't so confident with themselves look in the mirror and say....'hmmmm I look pretty damn good'.

I think the reason it has been written in such away is that it has been aimed at fans of burlesque and simillar things, where the women are confident and strong. It does still need a few tweeks here and there, but I would say at least its a step up from my effort lol!

Sam

oh! and I'm possibly going to be getting some shots with a student photographer in Glasgow , still just at the chattin stages, but we're both helping out one another, they need fashion shots and well I just need some pics! So works out for us both.

 

[Former Member 1]

Hey Sam...

Bear in mind this is all 'friendly fire' here; better we unpick the weak seams (thus giving you the opportunity to re-stitch them) than the general public...

Sometimes the most positive thing you can get is negative feedback. I'm sure Mike's comments might seem a bit 'incisive' but they're not unduly harsh. Copy writing is an art and a craft. And ultimately needs to be practised by someone fully versed in the finer points of that craft...

My Sister can spot a fake designer handbag or shoes literally at twenty feet just from the stitching and the fine detail... (I suspect you might have the same ability yourself) I'll pounce on dodgy lighting or bad editing, and be able to tell you the exact why and wherefore and how it's wrong...

Other people (most people actually) will simply be imperceptibly put on the 'back foot' by these things; they'll just 'somehow know' (and be put off by) something that isn't quite right...

Dyslexia is actually very common among creative people, I'd say that as much as 20%-30% of any given group of students that I see exhibit some signs of the condition. I am in fact dyslexic myself. Though I do like to imagine it doesn't render me illiterate I do recognise it compromises my ability to write effectively for the page. Though, curiously, an (apparently) heightened sense of rhythm ad pattern means that I do construct well for voice... Horses for courses I guess...

I don't think you're too far off, maybe a tad more thought is needed and as Mike says, the copy needs to be punctuated properly and perhaps refined a bit.

One thing that strikes me is that you seem to be identifying a number of very diverse market segments. Possibly segments that might work against each other...

For instance... Personally, like a lot of guys, I find the notion that a man might buy lingerie for himself rather disturbing. I'm not suggesting there's something wrong or immoral about this. But trust me when I say that the mental image of what I would see as some bizarre parody of feminine sensuality is not one that would encourage me to buy similar items for a woman who, presumably, I might hold in particular regard...

An acquaintance of mine performs in a 'burlesque type' ( more of a 40's revival actually) musical act. The lady herself is very sweet, intelligent, articulate and attractive (as indeed are her cohorts in the act). As I find that act immensely entertaining, and indeed the whole look and glamour of the scene very attractive; some of her colleagues on that scene are, quite frankly, just plain scary! ..Just a wee bit too 'full on'.

My point is this; Your product may appeal to the fetishistic, the high camp, those seeking glamour and sophistication or the merely retrocentric... All VERY different markets which, I suspect, require different approaches. Even tot he point where you might have to develop more than one brand to differentiate and service the needs of different types of customer..

 

[sam09]

I open to any comments, yes they aint all goin to be kind but tis something I have had to and will always have to learn to deal with, (my lecturers did actually make me cry once-the shame!!)
I was more meaning to Matt, was thank goodness I didn't post something I'd written cos the punctuation, grammer etc would have been waaaayyyy off! And the fact I didn't notice too much off with my sis's work shows how unsure of these sorts of things I may be.

The reason I say they various people who may stumble across my website it that so far, those are the type of folk who have a had a nosey. As part of my getting to know lingerie lovers around the world I'm part of a lingerie forum, where i can discuss items I may consider making, other lingerie out there and lots of other lingerie assosiated bits. And thats where I have met these folk, it's a really open minded space and as I've said before whatever floats your boat..sail on so not much make me go :scared:. Also I think everyone should get to feel fabulous at some point :001_wub:
I think it also due to the fact that the items I make I more intend to look pretty as opposed to practical(e.g. bow-tied knickers look nice but maybe not best worn with jeans as the bows would fight their way out the top),be a bit fun and really for those who too enjoy lingerie.

Think my problem is I have to many things going on in my head at once. But a few seminars to come should hopefully help steer my path a bit better
Also when I think things start moving a bit more...like getting my first proper collection designed and made I'll know more about who my customer is going to be and where I want to take this.

Jeez I dont half blether on!

Sam

 

[Power Lunch Club]

Hello Sam,

Your still telling us what you do in ther text.

Think about wearing your sexy underwear, then write about what you are feeling. Your not selling underwear, your selling romance, sex, passion. :001_wub:

Do you remember the line from the movie, 'When Harry Met Sally'; "I'll have what she's having!"

The customer wasn't interested in what Meg Ryan was actually eating or drinking, or even how it was made. She just wanted the same experience as what Meg Ryan was having. :thumbup1:

So what exepriance do you think your customers will have with wearing your underwear?

I think that sounds really good, i might actually buy some of lingerie myself :001_wub:

Kind Regards

Neil

Neil..., you have put an image in my head which has put me right off my lunch!! :crying: But hey if wearing ladies underwear is your thing. :thumbup1:

 

[Gouldie0]

Neil..., you have put an image in my head which has put me right off my lunch!! :crying: But hey if wearing ladies underwear is your thing. :thumbup1:

I did mean for my wife, not usually one for walking round the lingerie shops around Christmas time. Although it is funny when you see men chasing after the shop assistant's for help:laugh:

Hopefully you'll be able to enjoy your lunch now :001_smile:

Regards

Neil

 

[sam09]

Just wanted to add, the Love As I Find being wrring without caps was my bad, I merely c&p'd the text my sis gave me and just changed one or two bits so I should have spotted that bit!

I totally get saying how it should make folk feel, but tis rather hard to put into words as, well tis different for eveyone. And as I've said my other issue is getting those thoughts and feelings into words.....or trying to say exactly what I want my customers to feel without sounding tacky(or perverted ).
But I'll will still be tweeked upon before it gets put on the site for def. I suppose some snippets from this would be better on the 'About Us' page as opposed to the home page.

Sam