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Seven Things We Can All Do For Our Self-Esteem



New Member
First of all ...... it's great to be back. I've been technically 'missing in action' due to 4 months of family and personal health issues which I must admit, although everyone can cite times when things weren't going too well, have proved to be a testing period, to say the least.

Although the above gave me a deeper understanding into the term 'running about like a blue (something) fly' it also gave me some time for reflection, which was the subject of our most recent Table of Eight meeting during which I was asked "How do you manage to stay positive after what you've been through recently?"

Well! the answer is simple really. Irrespective of how bad things get .... they could always be worse, right?

I mean, theoretically speaking ... if I lived in north east Japan, or Edinburgh had just experienced 62 tornados as some states in America have recently, or why I had just been asked to appear on a certain breakfast tv show to explain a questionable DNA connection to a female politician ....... any one of those would be much much worse.

So in my reply to 'chair seven' of our table of eight was my top seven recommendations to maintain personal confidence and self esteem.

Seven Things We Can All Do To Maintain Our Self-Esteem (one a day)

The following are my top seven tips for increasing your self-esteem, enhancing your self-confidence, and igniting your motivation. You may recognize some of them - and will probably have others - as things you naturally do in your interactions with other people. But if you don't, I suggest you motivate yourself to take some of these important steps immediately.

In many cases we aren't implementing what we know is best for our personal development. So for most people, even though we all know that there is a tremendous amount to learn, it isn't knowledge that's holding you back.

We need a lot more doing of the right things and a lot less time spent on the wrong things.

Like people trying to lose weight, I think we get caught up in the day to day acivities. We're busy doing stuff, we forget, we procrastinate, we're tempted to do things that are fun, as opposed to doing what will get results and overall, we like the freedom of doing pretty much as we please. Unfortunately if you keep doing this, you'll keep getting what you've always got.

First, develop the art of 'letting the little things go' like forgetting errors in judgement of the past and stop worrying about what hasn't yet happened in the future. I'm not saying don't plan but rather just set your goals and watch them happen.

Second, always greet others with a smile and make eye contact. A smile and direct eye contact convey a confidence born of self-respect. In the same way, answer the phone pleasantly in the office and at home, and when placing a call, give your name before asking to speak to the party you want to reach. Leading with your name underscores that a person with self-respect is making the call.

Third, always show real sincere appreciation for a gift or complement. Don't underestimate or sidestep expressions of affection or honor from others. The ability to accept or receive is a mark of an individual with self-esteem.

Fourth, don't brag. It's almost a paradox that genuine modesty is actually part of the capacity to gracefully receive compliments. People who brag or demand special attention are simply trying to build themselves up in the eyes of others - and that's because they don't perceive themselves as worthy of respect.

Fifth, don't make your problems the centerpiece of your conversation. Talk positively about your life and the progress you're trying to make. Be aware of any negative thinking, then let it go. When you hear yourself criticize someone - and this includes self-criticism - find a way to be helpful and give advice rather than be critical.

The best way to help negative people ...... is not to become one of them! Instead of trying to become 'interesting' spend your time being interested (in others)

Sixth, respond to difficult times or depressing moments by increasing your level of productive activity. When your self-esteem is being challenged, don't sit around and fall victim to "paralysis by analysis."

Seventh, choose to see mistakes and rejections as opportunities to learn. View failure as an event, the conclusion of one singular activity. Observe your shortcomings, but refuse to see yourself as a failure. Failure ..... is a negative state of mind. It may be something you have done, or believe you have done - and it may even be something you'll have to do again - but a failure is definitely not something .... you are.

So ..... makea concious effort to understand what is bugging you and change it .... or at least change your attitude to it.

Even if you're at a point where you're feeling negatively about yourself or events surrounding you, be aware that you're now positioning yourself to make dramatic improvement. A negative self-evaluation, if it's honest and insightful, takes much more courage and character than the self-delusions that underly arrogance and conceit.

I've seen the truth of this proven many times in my work with personal development colleagues.

Quote for the Day: "What you have at the moment .... you have attracted to you by the person you've become!"


New Member
I just found this and wanted to say what a great post. Over the last couple of years I've been battling depression which has made it very difficult for me as I work from home, alone as a freelancer. I couldn't afford to get 'signed off' to deal with it and as you can imagine my self-esteem, self-confidence and motivation took a battering. Glad to say, I'm much better nowadays and to be honest i think my experience has made me stronger :)

I think it's important for people not to hide it if they're feeling overwhelmed or are struggling - from experience I know that bottling things up just makes it worse. My tactics nowadays are to tackle one task at a time, if I feel overwhelmed I take a few moments away to get my head straight, get inspiration from others in my field, remind myself that I am good at what I do and importantly take time out to do something relaxing and fun. By using these methods, I don't feel as stressed and overwhelmed as I found that was getting this time 6 months ago, I'm enjoying my work more and am much happier.


New Member
Hi Rachael ..... Welcome to the forum which is one of the 'best on the planet' and a place where you will meet and make many friends.

Thank you so much for your kind comments and for sharing your own personal experience which I feel sure that many other SBF users will be able to relate to.

Balancing Our Future Using a Zen Perspective.......

I’ll come back to how I turned my mind around after I’ve unravelled a few of the annoying bits of background noise that help to keep personal development progress out of people's lives.

How many people do you know who lose track by worrying about what happened in the past and wish it hadn’t happened ?

How many people do you know who worry themselves about what may happen in the future?

NOW ..... Right Now!...... is all there is. It is said that we should let go of the past and accept responsibility for the future but concentrate on living in the NOW.

But let’s take the past first, it has happened, therefore what can we do about it? Nothing, after all it has happened. So it just is!
If something just is, then what is the point of being concerned about it? Is it because we want to feel bad? Is it because someone else feels bad and thinks we should too?

Why do we spend now time thinking about something we can’t change and that makes us feel regret?

Sometimes I think it would be great it we could relive the past and edit out the bits we didn't like .... although we know that it is not possible yet we still relive conversations in our mind and edit in all the things we should have said or done.

Well that last paragraph can be a lesson learned by using brief glimpses into the past when they are needed for guidance but only to prevent a repeat of the same mistakes again – that’s one time the past is very useful.

I have stacks of things in my life that if I chose to look at a certain way then I would regret, but do I regret them? No, they are my life’s experiences and without them I wouldn’t be at this exact point, and this exact point is where I deserve to be.

There are plenty of things I look at and think, if I had gone left instead of right then this would have happened, but we cannot know the outcome of the different way as there are literally an infinite number of possibilities.

So what happened just is, and therefore the way to release the need to spend our now time dwelling on a fruitless and unproductive past is to just accept what is.

As our acceptance of What Is frees up some of our mental energy.

Acceptance is the key, as whatever we resist ......... will persist. Whatever we prepare against will become our reality. Whatever we fear and worry about becomes our reality. So just accept what is, as acceptance is letting go, and by letting go it frees us of some very heavy mental and emotional baggage, and by lightening the load, our journey becomes easier and more fun.

Quote for the Day "If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion."
Dalai Lama


New Member
I want a poster of these 7 things to look at while at my desk on those difficult days where I am behind and nothing seems to be working out quite right. Thanks for posting this, I am new here and this is the first thread that I have read. :)


New Member
Wow, this is a great thread. I often feel like I'm drowning in everything and it's all getting on top of me. Sometimes actually wonder if it's going to be worth all the stress and strain, but I think it will be in the long run
Gemma Rowlands

Gemma Rowlands

New Member
This is an absolutely fantastic post, and something that I feel we could all learn a lot from. Not only do I agree with self esteem helping in business, BUT I also have experience of losing weight - 140lbs in the space of two years - so I can see from that perspective why self esteem is so important, too. If you want to be able to focus on your business, and be a success at it, you HAVE to know yourself and know that you trust yourself to succeed. It is absolutely essential that you have to be able to be comfortable with yourself, as this then gives you the best chance of making your business successful.


New Member
Sometimes I really need to be more confident in myself.