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50 office-speak phrases you love to hate

Scottish Business Owner

Scottish Business Owner

New Member
There is certainly some cringeworthy material in that article I have to say :p

One the upside personally though I have to greatful that I dont come across much of this day to day which is great. Touching bases and having idea showers just isn't my thing :p
 
I regularly do work for a 'certain American news channel'.... They're getting used to me now and know better when I call than to tell me the person I want to speak to will be with me "momentarily"..... "naw naw naw" say I In my best 'Scotty from Star Trek' accent.. "that's nae use; they'll need to stay on the line for at least a couple of minutes"....

Talking of Star Trek.... Mission Statements! WTF! MISSION statements???? And they're usually trotted out by outfits that are more like the starship Boobyprize than Enterprize....

Orientated.... No such word... It's oriented....

Ideas showers.....:rolleyes: Isn't that something they write about in dodgy magazines?
 
Power Lunch Club

Power Lunch Club

New Member
Talking of Star Trek.... Mission Statements! WTF! MISSION statements???? And they're usually trotted out by outfits that are more like the starship Boobyprize than Enterprize....
I used to work for a company, and we used to call the Mission Statement, wallpaper, because that all they did....hang on the wall trying to look good.

Gordon
PLC
 
Power Lunch Club

Power Lunch Club

New Member
I used to have a boss who regulary said about hard tasks, "It's like trying to push water uphill"

Actually I must confess to using a couple of phrases...the one I used the most...(I am ashamed to admit)...is that "My business has washed it's face and is ready to go"...(sorry...is there a sin bin in the SBF)

Gordon
PLC
 
nothing does

nothing does

New Member
I feel so sad to say that I have adopted the 'challenges not problems' mantra.

I'm just heading outside to hit myself over the head with a big stick.
 
Idea15

Idea15

New Member
I hate it when web/computer words are adopted into regular language, such as

"We're going to download our experiences at the postmortem."
"Do you have the bandwidth to take this on?"

Gary Lineker asked one of his colleagues to uplink his thoughts after a game the other night.

Although I confess to telling a client to keep their business plan "extensible".

May I add my own most hated office-speak phrase: "partnership".
A word which, in my experience, implies "we're all going to do less work, less thoroughly, and less professionally, while carrying out a public love-fest about our commitment to our mission. Anybody who does their job too thoroughly and professionally is not committed to partnership working, and the nail that sticks out will be hammered down."
(Can you tell I lasted less than a year in the public sector?)
 
(Can you tell I lasted less than a year in the public sector?)
I'm not at all surprised. Can't have people going around talking sense and trying to jobs done properly! ;)

...If that happened then the public wouldn't have to pay for the same job to be done over and over and over again and much of the money that's currently paid to worthless wasters who wouldn't last five minutes in the real world would have to go to building decent resources and proper services...

Or worse still; they might have to cut taxes!!! :eek::eek:
 

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